The Fears and Tears of a Ten Year Old Girl

I finally had the courage to tell my dad that I was worried about dying from the same thing my brother just died from. I was ten and Mike was sixteen. He had a blood clot in his leg. For weeks, his leg was swollen and red. He was misdiagnosed and medically mismanaged. But I didn’t know that at the time. I just knew his legs killed him.

So I stared at my legs a lot. I would close one eye and then the other to make sure I could see from different angles. I didn’t want to miss any slight swelling. In school, I was distracted because I kept looking at my legs.

I couldn’t take it anymore so I said to my dad, “I think I might have blood clots.” Without looking up, dad said, “Terry, it’s not the things that you worry about that will kill you. It’s the things you never thought of that will get you.”

From then on, I laid awake at night trying to think of the things I never thought of.

As a 62 year old adult, I am aware that children are wonderful observers and terrible interpreters. When a child is affected by the death of a loved one, their grief and their feelings are often the same as ours but with fears we can’t imagine. I have created the Healing Chickadee with the memories of my childhood loss. While I can’t imagine what YOUR child may be experiencing, I honor my own inner child hoping and praying that it helps you with yours.

Sending love to you and your family. Childhood trauma and loss is hard on everyone. We are here for you, and with you.